I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
