so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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