Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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