Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
