eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
