Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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