did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
