I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
