I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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