My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
