To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
