Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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