I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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