my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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