Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
