For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And then he peed in my hair
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