"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
