The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
