Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
