You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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