how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
