Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
