glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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