News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
