There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
