I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
