Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
