He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
