Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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