I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
