i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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