cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My cat gives me a boner
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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