I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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