Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
