We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
