He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
