i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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