There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
