I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
