I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
