the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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