if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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