So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
