hotel room ftw
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
