About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
