She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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