New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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