things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize