im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My liver just had a heart attack.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize