Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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