textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
