I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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