I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think people are normalizing furries
The air taste purple.
Randomize