So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
