just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
