I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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