They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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