god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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