i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
