yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
