i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
