im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize