i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
