I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
