she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
