Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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