nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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