when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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