we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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